dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize