I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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