sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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