i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I could make wine with my vomit
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
