okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
