too bad you live with your parents still
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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