do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
