We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
