we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
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I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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