but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
