my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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