Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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