I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
