i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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