I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
