dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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