you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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