From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
