They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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