So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
