Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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