Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
