He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize