Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
