i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
