Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
