and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
