And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
