I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
