this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
