He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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