Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
