How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You can't special order awesome
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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