I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I AM VODKA MAN
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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