Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize