What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
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so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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