shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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