the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just invented taco cereal.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
