I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
