i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize