I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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