the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
and i looked up. we had an audience...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
