i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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