i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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