I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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