Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
how does that bad decision feel?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
