We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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