The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
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I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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