I can text with my tongue
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
