so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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