my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i think i just lost a toe
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
