her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
