Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
