if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
