I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
