drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
