I can text with my tongue
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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