he looks like a really good dad on facebook
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
