I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
