you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
