My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
...so i touched it.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
