Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
