this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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